What I’ve learnt

It’s been over a year since I last wrote a post.. and might I add – It’s been quite the year. Full of many wonders, discoveries, changes and challenges.
Yet, the biggest thing that has changed is my negotiation skills (with myself).
The questions I ask internally and externally day-to-day…
Is this really good enough?
Am I satisfied?
Can I go deeper?
Can I do more?
Why did I respond in that way?season
Mixed in with a subtle submission to the process of getting better. Not just for myself, but for the people around me. Did you ever stop to think as to who is watching you?

I came to realise as much as I want it all to be about me, it never is. The things we do now affect what we become and what we become influences everything and everyone. Including phase 3 of our development as a human race.

Let me take you back…

Phase 1 – Dependant on others. As a baby or child you can’t help but be dependant on the people around you to survive. To feed us, clothe us and shelter us. Granted, it was not always meant to stay that way. If you are an adult and have people in your life who you need, you will find out quickly that they may not need you in the same way & it hurts… A lot.
We can not expect someone to be responsible for us when all they can be responsible for, is themselves.

Phase 2 – Independent. <Insert severe growing pains here>
I found a comfortable rebellious streak in this phase of life. Usually it finds us in our adolescence years and the need to be independent from everyone and everything kicks in (because I know best and I have it all figured out). Phase 2 sometimes lingers for those who have been hurt or betrayed in their dependant years by others. Their inability to trust keeps them independent but rather than feeling disconnected from the human race, it is vital to be inter-connected. Which brings me to the most import phase.

screen-shot-2016-09-15-at-12-38-32-pmPhase 3 – interdependent.
Using the valuable skills you have learnt from your previous 2 stages. It is important to know your worth. Trust yourself and have people in your life that you can seek wisdom from that have what you are looking for in this search for meaning.

To get you must first give.

To give in an interdependent condition is to also receive. Which, in itself, is reassuring in a positive cycle we are on the right path with the right people. Once you change, you will find almost an automatic transition to have the people we interact with, change too. Sometimes by chance or progression, sometimes on purpose or by force.

We don’t try to become someones dependant, or disrespect their independence. But rather seek counsel from the experience of those who offer an equal and mutual respect for us and our worth. Co-existing.

There is something to learn from everyone. Some things that stick out to me in a particular situation; whether it be frustration, pure joy, love or anxiety means that it is something within me to learn about. Only I am having this experience and so I need to listen to that. The person next to me may not even realise it is happening because they are on their own path.

Interdependence does not work unless you are first strong enough in yourself to make your own decisions and go against the grain of what “everyone else” is doing to pursue your own purpose. Be different, be curious about your life. Figure out what brings you here and how you came to know those around you?

Every person that flows through my life has been a marker in my journey. I did not have to agree with them or match their enthusiasm for certain interests, but I did and still do, love all of them. They were either here for a reason, a season, or a lifetime (or, of course, Facebook likes).

There is no good or bad, there is just me responding to it. Maturity comes once we can see things as they are. Life is a journey, walk the phases.


Mirror Images

love water bubble purple
“How can you show patience towards another,
if you do not practise it on your own?..

How can you show tolerance to those you love,
if you do not first forgive the mistakes you have sown?

How can you meet others where they are at,
until you have first allowed yourself room to grow?”

It all starts and ends with me.
My outreach is determined by the depth of my inner peace.
How much I accept myself – in all my faults.
Determines how much those around me, reflect back at me.

rush love

Mix it up

Hamster Getting a Workout on Spinning WheelNearly everything we do is habit. Wake up, get dressed, go to work, come home, go to sleep – repeat. Only 40 – 45% of our daily thinking is conscious. What we eat, how we dress. Most of our decisions are unconscious. Habits.

I don’t know about you but I have always gotten a little bored by the idea of ‘ground hog day’. Nothing puts a dint in my spirit more than getting on the spinning wheel and getting told to run pointlessly without reason – because someone else said that it was just ‘what you do’. Normal, yuk. Following the same daily pattern with no real end goal in mind.

What happened to me this morning was small but significant enough to spark a feeling of satisfaction. So, what happened to me this morning?
I mixed it up!
My usual routine on the way to the office took a slight turn and I found myself in a new alley way grabbing my morning cup of coffee Mix it up Coffee spots(habit) but with a different set of teeth smiling back at me! A refreshing change of connection and unfamiliarity.

In essence, what I didnt realise my spirit was craving – was a new experience! As small and insignificant as it may sound, it still gave me a huge sense of gratification.
In your own home town, in your own world, without travelling overseas or taking a holiday – you can create new experiences everywhere you go, every day. Make it a new habit of creating new experiences everywhere you go and you will never be stuck in the spinning wheel.
It’s a choice!
Meet new people.
Ask those people new questions.
Find out more about others and you will find out more about yourself.

It’s such a beautiful world we live in but as I look around me, I see death. I see people who have adjusted to someone else’s rules about their life. I see a conviction of depression and hopelessness. What a deceptive perception. We are never stuck to press repeat on our lives until the day we die or retire.
We can Mix it up!! – turn your comfort zone on its head.
Find yourself.
Re-create yourself.
Say hello to a stranger. Smile.
It’s the small things that you do that make the biggest difference. Mix it up!!!

recreate hope



What Do You Desire?

I have a question, that could change your life. He says confidently.
Smug  & a little Abruptly.

I lean into the whisper as its given so softly.
“Little one, Oh doubtful one… With all this pain enclosing….
Tell me, What do you desire?….”

A breath of free air surrounds me. An answer from me to whomever it may be,
Erupting Chaotically, I say..

“I was born to write. To rhyme with the universe. To move. To flow in its majestic rhythm. Words touching spaces that have yet to be created. It’s a freedom found in a piece within me.

I want to dance, to live life loving others. Flowing through them like a river running deep. I can feel the Water rising as the moon guides me feet.

I desire to stand out. To be one of my own faces.
Hold my hand out to those with the courage to restore balance to the forsaken. Strengthening a world of captivity. Giving out keys to those that believe.

 I want to live a life, with desire that is flowing…. Incessantly….  Perpetually!!”

Confused and amused. In turning to go, I see a smile left in the breeze… I am all alone.
I can’t believe I knew the answer all along…

Then another person walks up to me and I cant help but say…

So, tell me dear fellow… What do you desire?

Connecting to get a Connection

Why ?questions
What ?
When ?
Who ?
How ?

All the beginning of open-ended questions that break down barriers and open up the possibility of a new or even regenerated relationship.

There was a time once when, I literally didn’t know wat it meant to connect with another person. I knew how to talk about myself. Some of it was honestly, the rest I was making up for a lack of self-confidence by over exaggerating and making myself out to be bigger than I really was.

So what does it mean to connect?

It means asking questions & thinking about someone other than yourself!

Whenever I am about my daily routine it could be as simple as giving a compliment to the person next to me. Whilst ordering a coffee, I will spark an interest by complimenting what they are wearing, or asking how the day is going so far.

I love to be that random act of acknowledgement that is the onset of a good day for that person.
be-the-change- ghandi
Think of yourself as a pebble. Which ever way you direct yourself, you are leaving ripples in other people lives.

Because, we weren’t meant for isolation. Without human contact, we have the ability to turn to negative, self-defeating behaviours & that is without the added input of bullying, circumstance & inevitable pain in this lifetime.

Whats the point?
Well, there is a slight selfish undertone. To build self-esteem, you do things of esteem. So why not start with small acts of kindness.
In doing things for others, you are helping yourself. In getting to know more about others, you actual learn more about yourself.

Who was the last person you got to know more?

Why not start with the basics?

Why ?connection
What ?
When ?
Who ?
How ?



Sitting down on the coach in my living room, I was admiring the child like play of our kitten “Marble”. In a feline’s finest, Marble was rubbing up against my husband and playing with his hands like a feather to his favourite toy.

WholeIn this moment I smiled… but more so than ever before.
This time I smiled from the inside – out, and a tear began to form as Gratitude protruded the surface of my being.

I had just captured a moment in the stillness of my grateful heart. A moment in life when all things seem whole, just and complete. Slowing down for just a moment as you hear your inner voice echo “Thank you”.

Thank you for the obstacles you had to overcome – just to get to this very point.

These are the moments, that make life worth waiting, hoping, wishing, loving, hurting, fighting & living for.

Whole soul

Never give up on a hope of seeking a whole heart.

Express x

Public Holiday Reflections

Getting up 4 hours past my usual alarm, I kissed my soul mate (soon to be husband) on the cheek as I slide out the corner of the bed. Wanting to savour the moment, my eyes looked around the room and I felt the temperature of a slightly heated room in the middle of winter. I escaped a little sigh – satisfied and full of love for the life  around me.

I didn’t even crave coffee on this particular morning, I boiled the jug and made an earl grey tea whilst I made my way to the computer desk where my half work / half personal life lives. I was inspired by an email that came through from a fellow blogger. It jested me to my own blog and I started to reflect on the life between now and the last post.

Being much busier in the past 6 months than I have been in my entirety of my lifetime – I started to gather a classic piece of information that I wish I knew all along…

“It’s not about me”

To attract love you must first give love. To give love you must undergo a genuine curiosity for people and their lives. To undergo a genuine curiosity for other people you have to stop thinking about yourself.

It’s not always easy to turn off the inner dialogue  when life is not going the way you planned. But to simplify it for you – Life has a multiplication of two things. 1) Choices and 2) Willingness to follow through on those choices.
“When the solution is simple, God is answering.” – Albert Einstein

I made a choice 2 and a half years ago. I drew a line in the sand and said – this is it!
From now on, I am going to do the exact opposite to what I have done so far. I will care for people, rather than use them for my own status and desires. I will pray to a higher power – rather than delegate that power to myself. I will watch my tongue rather than spitefully use words to protect my own pride. I will change – I will grow – I will be responsible.
It was a choice. It is still a choice I continued to follow through with until this very day.

Continuing to make new choices and change areas of my life that isn’t working for you – is an ongoing battle that requires a sustainable effort. Pushing through when your body wants to regress. Pushing through when you feel tired and weak. Pushing through and remembering “God never gives us more than we can handle”.

Then to have a quiet morning like today and spend some time on my own. I smile while I type. My heart glows while I feel the difference. I am free – because it’s no longer, all about me….

Happy Holidays xo